


One Year of Winter

by Nelja-in-English (Nelja)



Category: Snedronningen | The Snow Queen - Hans Christian Andersen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captivity, Cold, F/F, Mention of Gerda/Kai, Mention of Snow Queen/Kai, Polar Bears - Freeform, Romance, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23858575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelja/pseuds/Nelja-in-English
Summary: Gerda accepts to stay and live with the Snow Queen for one full year, in exchange for Kai's freedom.
Relationships: Gerda/Snedronningen | Snow Queen (Fairy Tales)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20
Collections: Once Upon a Fic 2020





	One Year of Winter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [resnullius_bells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/resnullius_bells/gifts).



Gerda's feet had been red with cold; now they were fully blue. But she still walked in the Snow Queen's garden, towards her friend Kai. She was close, so close, and she was also very afraid. She cherished even this feeling, since it made her feel alive, brought a bit of heat to her icy cheeks.

The ice sculptures were incredibly beautiful, and so were the northern lights. It was the kind of beauty that captivated the eyes of poets, and then burned them. Even the song of the chiming icicles was beautiful, and all of this turned all around Gerda, in a spiral, until they directed her gaze to the Snow Queen.

"I welcome you and wish you a good day," the Snow Queen said. "You are my guest, little one; follow me."

She was more beautiful than the snowflakes and the northern lights and the song of the icicles. She was perfect, but she also was smiling, and Gerda hadn't expected a smile from the winter.

"I'm only here to rescue my friend Kai," she said. 

The Snow Queen nodded. "And for that you'll have to talk about him with me." Suddenly it was obvious that Gerda couldn't run, couldn't even find him, unless she obeyed the Snow Queen. She made a curtsey like she had learned at the Princess' Court, and followed. 

The Snow Queen made Gerda sit in a chair made of the most delicate green ice, from an iceberg in the far north that had already sunk five ships and had started to find it boring. She offered her some sweets, but Gerda just put her lips in them and pretended to eat. Anyway the tea was ice cold, and of course the ice cream too. She was still freezing, quaking, but she didn't want to complain.

"I could kiss you, and you would no longer be cold," the Snow Queen offered.

Gerda blushed. A kiss was an important thing! "I'm not interested!" she protested. And then "Have you kissed Kai?"

"Oh yes! And he wanted more, but it would have killed him, poor child. He's beautiful and clever, but he's fragile."

"He's not fragile!" Gerda protested. "It's you, you're deadly to everything and everyone!" As she was talking she understood that it was a sad life, a life she wouldn't have wanted. It was Kai she had come to save, but she could still try to be kind. "Please, let him go!"

"What makes you think he wants to go?" the Snow Queen asked. "Do you want to leave?"

"Of course!"

"But it's because you're cold," the Snow Queen said. "Oh, pretty girl, let me kiss you, and I'll let you see your friend!"

"And you'll let him go!" Gerda protested. She hoped that the Snow Queen wouldn't refuse, and hoped she would. She didn't want to have her first kiss with the ice and the cold.

"Oh, you don't know what you're asking!" The Snow Queen said, her gaze melancholic, deep and pure like the seas of the Far North. "You know, I keep him here because he loves it here. If you want him to go, you'll stay one year with me, to pay the price."

Gerda had already spent many months on her travels to have Kai freed. A year was not a lot, she thought, and she told her: "Yes, I'll do it. Lead me to him first."

Kai was playing with two white bears, and as the Snow Queen came close to him, Gerda could say he was mesmerized by her beauty. He barely looked at Gerda herself, even if he acknowledged her presence with a curious eye.

"It's time for you to go," the Snow Queen said softly. And Kai's eyes opened wide in horror.

It was awful, seeing that she had been right, that Kai didn't want to go. He started to cry, and cry again, and it was all Gerda's fault, even if the Snow Queen hadn't told him.

And then something happened. He shed two tears that shone more than others, like mirrors, and all of a sudden he was taller, prouder. He was no longer a child.

"You're evil," he said. "How could I love you? Gerda, tell me what happened!"

"She stays with me," the Snow Queen says. Her face had become harsh, and Gerda believed she didn't understand what had just happened either. "She takes your place." And Kai's face became even harsher.

"I'll be back!" Gerda tried to explain. "I'm only staying one year! Please go back home and tell my grandmother I'm alive!"

"That's so stupid! You didn't have to do this for me, Gerda! But I'll wait for you!"

He was so full of passion and heart again, and Gerda should have felt warm in her heart, except that she was still standing in the middle of the cold winds in the palace of the Snow Queen, and warmth was but a distant memory.

"I was kind, you know," the Snow Queen told, after Kai left with a gaze full of defiance. "I didn't kiss you in front of him."

She put an icy cold hand on Gerda's shoulder, and lowered her face to kiss her. Gerda hesitated, but finally, she raised her lips. She had promised.

It was a cold needle to her heart, and she didn't want it! She closed her eyes, because the Snow Queen really was too beautiful, and her lips were too soft; and for a fleeting moment it was perfect. And then the cold left her heart and exploded on her skin, and she was shaking with cold, her teeth chattering.

"What happened?" the Snow Queen asked. For the first time, she had concern on her face.

"I don't want to let a witch erase my memories and my feelings again!" Gerda blurted out.

"I promise you, cute one, I won't play with your heart. I just want you to be safe and comfortable here." And, after a short hesitation, she kissed her again.

It hurt less than the first time, maybe Gerda's heart felt even warmer, even as her fingers felt colder.

"It won't do," the Snow Queen told. "I can't let this happen."

And then she raised her arms and called the two huge bears. Gerda felt scared for one moment, but they just nestled against her, one on each side, and Gerda felt comfortable for the first time since the Finn Woman's hut, so warm that at one point she thought she would die. And then, one of the bears offered her warm milk, and she had forgotten how good it was to eat.

When the bears walked away, she wanted to stay close, to grip their bodies, even if they had huge teeth, but the Snow Queen offered her some furs in the form of a dress her exact size, but with no sign of sewing. They were so white that Gerda wasn't sure they came from any living animal. There were also boots, her exact size too.

"You have promised me to stay here one year, and I won't let you go before then," The Snow Queen said. "But I have decided to be a good host, and I will do what is needed for this."

She lowered her face again, to Gerda's ear, and whispered : "You're the only living person I ever kissed two times. Please, give me your lips again."

Gerda hesitated, but she did it. It almost didn't hurt, this time, in her warm furs and shoes. Only, the Snow Queen was so radiant that Gerda had to close her eyes in order not to cry. The Queen hadn't smiled the first two times, but she did now.

* * *

"Come with me," the Snow Queen said. "I will allow you to see the whole world. Only the part with snow and ice, but it's bigger than even you can imagine, my sweet adventurer who walked so long!"

Gerda could have stayed with the two bears, who still kept her warm at night, and gave her milk and fish and seal meat to eat. But she was tempted. She wanted to see actual, real colours, not the white palette with every pastel of the ice castle.

"I'll come," she said, and the Snow Queen took her hand, then kissed her hand, and led her into her sledge. She gave her a long scarf, and put on so many furs, so that Gerda wouldn't be too cold in the fast winter wind. And then she kissed her cheek again.

It had stopped hurting - or rather, the pain had become so familiar that Gerda welcomed it, now that no fear could take her in its grasp, no terror that it would never stop. She knew it was sharp, but she also knew it was given with affection, and that was making every one of these kisses as sweet as they were bitter, like the tonic her grandmother had made her drink once.

As they were travelling, flying in the sky, the Snow Queen was calling every mountain by its name, and when Gerda asked about the people and the animals who lived here, the Snow Queen knew that, too.

"Are these my roses?" Gerda asked. "Please tell me that these are my roses!"

The Snow Queen glared at her in surprise. "You can't see them from so high," she said. "But yes, there's the village where I picked up your friend, so it must be yours too."

"Is Kai here? Do you know how he is?" Gerda was leaning outside the sledge, and the Snow Queen held her with one of her arms, to keep her from falling, to keep her from escaping.

"I will tell you! Do you want the sad ending, or the happy ending?"

"I want the truth."

"Really? He told me that you loved stories better than hard truth."

Gerda almost started crying, thinking about how Kai and the Snow Queen had talked about her, but she didn't know if it was good or bad. "Tell me the truth." 

"The happy ending," the Snow Queen said, "is that he listened to you. He's home now, and he's told your grandmother that you were coming back."

"But it's not the whole truth?" Gerda asked.

"But he feels bad about listening to you. He calls himself a coward for not having gone and rescued you. He would have died, of course, but he can't know this."

"You don't know that! I didn't die!" Gerda protested.

"Then you're special. The sad thing, though, is that he came to resent you for asking him to leave. And that's the sad ending."

Gerda felt a bad taste, like bile in her throat. Could she repair it when she would come back? Was it her fault?

The Snow Queen held her tighter. "Maybe I'm lying to you," she whispered. "I'm evil, after all."

But instead of comforting Gerda, it made tears roll on her cheeks, just when she wanted to be an adult about all of this. The Snow Queen clasped tightly her arms around her, and kissed her again and again. Each of these kisses was just like the truth; it hurt, but it was what she needed right now.

* * *

"Do you know why Kai left with me in the first place?" The Snow Queen asked.

"Because you abducted him!" Gerda answered. She didn't think it was entirely true. She thought it was because the Snow Queen was very beautiful. 

"I had wondered where his determination had come from, but it was idle thought," the Snow Queen answered, seemingly not attacked by the answer. "Then when he left, I wondered why he didn't insist more to stay." She was so sure of herself. But, of course, she could afford it. It was not only the beauty, it was the power and immortality, and honesty, and her surprising sweetness.

"But now I know!" the Snow Queen said. Kai had also loved her because she loved knowledge, Gerda was sure of it. She showed her a ball of ice, totally transparent, except that there were two shards of mirror in it. "This is not my magic. This is another creature that had cursed your friend to be unable to see the beauty of life. He's free now."

"Oh!" Gerda cried in relief.

"I understand better why both of you thought I bewitched him. But it was not me. I thought he loved me. Some humans have loved me, you know! I thought he was here of his own accord."

She seemed sorry, and for a while, Gerda felt the need to comfort her. She just took her hand - the one that wasn't holding the ice orb.

"This is evil magic," the Snow Queen said thoughtfully. "I will keep it safe." Then she smiles at Gerda. "But it gave me ideas. I can use mirrors too, you know? They have power. Come with me."

Gerda followed her. She usually did what the Snow Queen asked from her, because it was not a lot, and because she didn't want to fight. But now, she was also genuinely curious. 

There was a big room, where the weak light coming from a transparent ice window was reflected and reflected again, on all the walls polished like mirrors, leading to a white marble bathtub full of water and light. 

Gerda got close, and she felt warmer and warmer. She even felt sweat trickling on her skin. She hadn't felt such heat for a long time, but it was all the light, concentrated where she was.

She removed a glove and touched the water. it was deliciously warm.

"I thought you would like it," the Snow Queen said.

Gerda did. She removed her clothes, and dived into the hot water. She had not realized how dirty she was, but getting all clean was a pleasure. After a long time, she got out of the bathtub, and realized the Snow Queen was still there, watching her. She had not hesitated when removing her clothes, but now, it felt strange.

"You can just stay here, the warmth will dry you up," the Snow Queen said. She got closer, raised her arm. "Look! I can't touch you!" It was true, her hand was already starting to melt; but it got icy and perfect again as soon as she removed it. 

Gerda had not thought before about the Snow Queen touching her naked body, but now she could think only about that, as she was even more aware of her eyes, piercing and full of light.

* * *

Every night before sleeping between the two huge white bears, Gerda drew a sign on the wall. It was not straight lines, she was not good at this. It was curves, part of unskilled but heartful drawings. But she was still grouping them tens and tens together, because she counted the days.

She was often very cold, and she had tried to persuade herself that she hated it here. But she couldn't. The ice palace was too beautiful, the bears too affectionate, and the Snow Queen herself... she was strange, and the more Gerda knew her, the less she was beautiful like a woman. It was more like a beautiful lake, or a star. A star that could blow little cold kisses to your skin.

"I don't want to stay here all my life," Gerda said to herself again. "But one year, of course I can do it, it's not that much. Only a few days left!"

One day she woke up, and it was her last day! She said goodbye to the bears, petted them and kissed their dark, damp noses. And then she wanted to take what she owned, but it was just the few clothes she had when she had arrived. No shoes, no gloves. She hoped the Snow Queen would let her keep the boots.

"It's the day," she said to the Snow Queen, suddenly timid. 

"Yes," she answered. "It's not the hour yet."

And she was right. Gerda sat close to her, waiting. Sometimes she huddled near her in her ice throne, too big for the Snow Queen alone. But it didn't seem like a good moment for this, so she just sat on a chair that looked like a snowdrift.

"I don't want you to go," the Snow Queen said.

Gerda shivered. "You promised," she answered, in a small voice.

"I did," the Snow Queen said calmly, "and I keep my promises always." She stood up, walked to Gerda, whose heart was beating wildly, in fear and awe.

And then the Snow Queen knelt before her. "I beg you, Gerda, beloved, stay with me."

Gerda's skin flushed in confusion, as she was watching the Snow Queen. She had been wrong, she thought. Maybe all this time, she had forced herself to be wary, to be afraid. 

"I need to go home!" she almost cried out. "I want to go home."

"What if your friend has forgotten you?"

"It's not only him!" Gerda said. "I mean, of course I wanted to save him, and I did it. And maybe he has forgotten me, but also, maybe he hasn’t. But I also love my grandmother, I love my town, I love my friends, I love my roses. I love the smell of the summer and the song of the birds."

"I understand," the Snow Queen said. She didn't get back to her feet yet.

"Please come with me." Gerda blurted.

The Snow Queen looked at her with big, wide eyes, like frozen mirrors.

"You tried so many times to kiss me to make me immune to the cold. Why couldn't I do this with the heat? You can come with me. You don't have to stay forever. It can be a year too!"

The Snow Queen then stood up. "You're free," she said.

"I know! I trust you!" Gerda answered. She was beautiful, and she was kind, and Gerda didn't want her to be alone.

"I meant to say, I'm not," the Snow Queen answered. “Do you really understand what I am? I am the snow and the cold and the ice. I am the shelter polar bears build their homes under, I am the reason why meager streams turn into wide rivers in the spring. I am the mirror of the earth, I am life and death, and I won't come with you."

Gerda was shivering. She didn't know if she had forgotten, or if she had never fully understood.

"I will take this last kiss, though, if you still want me to," she said. 

Her lips were still icy, but it no longer hurt at all. It was the sweetest kiss, deep and tender, and Gerda tightened her arms around the Snow Queen's shoulders, her tongue tingling with delightful cold. It lasted a bit too long for a kiss, but Gerda didn't mind.

"I need to go," she finally said.

The Snow Queen nodded. "I'll visit you in winters, sometimes."

Gerda started to walk away, then she started to run. The tears on her cheek were turning into snowflakes. So that's what she meant, she thought. It's not that you no longer feel the cold, it's just that it loves you.


End file.
